rotten.

slept 54.17% of the day. starting next monday i'll be working from 2-6. i was hoping to take some classes this summer, but i'm not too sure what my schedule will be like. going to meet with an advisor thursday, hopefully. had a lovely dinner with at the boyfriend's sisters casa. played scattergories, scattagories... (??) for the first time, and my goodness does that game stress me out! its really fun to play though, might have to suggest it for my fams next get together. came home and managed to be slightly productive. applied for a few openings at a few places, and looked up information on scholarships available. hopefully something will land in front of me, so that i can continue to work towards my goal of transferring to a university. looking forward to getting back in the routine of working...

Baby Ethan is 3 months old TODAY. i cannot believe three months ago i was fretting around at Baylor Hospital, camera in hand, waiting to meet the little blessing that he is. he has grown SO much. he's eating cereal now, laughing and cooing, smiling and he is able to lift his head and he is starting to get the desire to hold his bottle. he has provided us with so much joy, and i'm so thankful to my father in heaven that he was born healthy and has been healthy these past 3 months. i can't wait to see the little sucker when he turns a year old! (: so so so adorable.

mom took my car today, which was good because i ended up saving money by staying at home :)

tomorrow consists of pho for lunch, work then hopefully jetting to irving for some prayer time with the sister & close friends. i love tuesdays


“Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience.” - source unknown

i love that. especially since i've been trying to grow more patient. right now, things are slow & hard for me, and i'm striving to endure them, so that i can truly learn the importance of faith & patience in the Lord.

easier said than done, thats for sure.




Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all

and the beauty and the shame
in the glory of His name
Oh the wonderful cross

- The Wonderful Cross


Love&rockets
flicka

revival

today was most definitely what i needed!

i was congested & coughing last night, but managed to sleep in! it felt so great to finally be able to sleep! woke up to a call from the boyfriend, who apparently doesn't understand that when you call someone in the morning they're using their sleepy-i-just-woke-up voice...he kept saying "are you okay? are you sick" haha. not sick. so we made our plans for the day, which was pretty much: lazy. my concern was that my room was a mess, and for once he wanted to hang out at my house. we're usually out & about or hanging out at his place. he totally caught me off guard, but i was so sleepy and didnt even bother trying to clean. he came over, we talked, snuggled, (he fell asleep- i checked my email and looked some stuff up online), grabbed lunch & watched Lost. i've been fretting a lot about being able to talk to him about stuff. Like, i'm kind of scared to tell him how i feel sometimes because i don't want to upset him. We haven't argued or anything like that, but i don't want to seem ungrateful. so we had this really good conversation and i was able to tell him stuff that i was afraid to share. like how things would be if he were to be deployed, or him offering to buy me stuff. i don't NEED anything! i have so much stuff right now, its ridiculous. & i don't want him to think that i want him to spend money on me. it could go to paying a bill or something, not me! and if he's deployed i'll take things slow, and pray more so than ever before. after all, thats all i can do, right?


i love him!

anyway, moving along.

i was just reminded that in 11 days i will be 21. how will my life change? will i start drinking and going to bars?
i think not! who knows! i'm excited. 21 is big...i thought i would never make it this far and i'm almost there. i've been so blessed!

i'm so flippin' excited. things are really looking up, i guess i just needed a relaxing day, like today, to clear my mind and stuff. hoping to figure out my summer schedule, whether or not i'll be taking classes & etc.


Keep me in your prayers, i'm working towards a goal this week...
will write more about it later :) when i know more!



Loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,
beck

validate.

i was advised to validate my emotions.

i've been on this weird emotional roller coaster.

like today, my day was pretty good. time was flying at work, raised some money for the March of Dimes, and came home to a nap. spent the latter part of the day with my wonderful boyfriend, we had dinner and HE went shopping. ahhaha. i'm on a budget, but i got to pick out his clothes for him! he sure is going to look handsome, more so than usual! love him! so yeah, it was torture for me not to go to the juniors section and pick up some clothes. sticking to my budget this month. anyways, back to my roller coaster. so i was doing fine, had a lovely day then i came home and broke down. when i'm alone in my room after a good day, thats when it all catches up with me, my stress, that is. i'm working on it. i know that tomorrow will be a better day, and as i continue to pray for the emotional and spiritual strength to overcome my blues, i will be happy and blessed, as i was before. this is a real test of patience, and i will overcome this.

sunday! i won't be going to church, i'm going to sleep in, i know thats bad, but its much needed. then going out to late lunch to have pho with my boo.

gonna read now and hope to get some rest.

:]

beckerrr

blog.

so, what a flippin' week! the first bad week i've had in a while. started out ok on monday, enjoyed the day with friends.

then BAM. tuesday just HAD to happen. made an error at work, blah pretty simple thing that i did wrong. then BAM wednesday just HAD to happen, and made another error at freaggin' work.

its not that hard, it really isn't. my mind has been all over the place lately, i'm hoping to start focusing again, soon.

i seriously need some prayer, please! i just don't want to lose my job, and health benefits. this is a necessity! i'm going to really buckle down, and do things the right way. i hate when i'm bad at things, it makes me lose interest, so hopefully i can pick myself back up to where i was. i just hope it isn't too late to revive...

other than that...spent a lot of time with my Baby Ethan,

as for friday, it went by pretty fast. enjoyed the evening with the boy & his lovely family. the weather was beautiful. hope it lasts...!

i'm really trying to find that one thing that i'm overly passionate about, and i want to excel in it...i'm so impatient and its really wearing me out. i'm still feeling stagnant, and hoping to become a little more optimistic, so that i can get back to my normal self. seems like i don't laugh nearly as much, lately...that's definitely gotta change! maybe i'll pray more, that always seems to help.

time to hit the snooze button, and hopefully get back into my usual routine tomorrow.

liebe.

r.

current.

Had a bad day again, said you would no understand. spilled the coffee broke a shoelace, smeared the lipstick on her face, slammed the door and said i'm sorry i, had a bad day again.

Pretty much today has been one of the worst days I've had in a while, and it wasn't even that bad. Started out decent, was doing well at work meeting my sales goals and taking it easy. Somehow I ended up out of balance, which means I'm facing possible termination. Hopefully we can get it cleared up, soon. This means I really need to pray that I get the job with the school.

My evening plans were cancelled, which was a bummer because I've always made an effort to put people first, and when they ditch me last minute it irritates me to a great extent. Agh! I went to a prayer group at my church. I got to discuss my current spiritual/emotional situation. Regarding all aspects of my life, I'm stagnant. Merely coasting along, feeling rather hopeless. I was more then willing to accept the advice that I was given, and will be applying it to my life as of now. Also, I got to say the closing prayer which is always fun :)

I live 10 miles away from where the Irving Stadium was. I was discussing the emotional attachment some Texans have with it, and the implosion. Someone I spoke with (can't remember who...) said that it was a great reminder to each of us, from God, to take a look at what empty lots we have in our lives. The Irving Stadium hasn't been used for a while now, but they left the hollow building standing until Sunday April 11th. I enjoyed going to my sister's house and to church, because I pass the stadium. Thinking about what empty buildings you have in your life, what is it that you pass by on a regular basis and isn't being used...? What are are you holding onto in your past? Its a nice thought. Time to implode them all, because chances are they could be whats holding you back in your life! Move on :)

In other news, I've given up facebook until next tuesday night. I'll be spending my usual facebook time in my room praying! I'm striving to pray more, that way I'll be stronger in my faith, and be able to make the right decisions that will push me to live out what God has planned for me.

I'm very much looking forward to Thursday. Girls day with Summer. We're going to have lunch at a new restaurant, and watch movies while the kids are at school. Of course baby Ethan will be with us! I love seeing my little scooter!

This is it.

-bee.

p.s.

I want something more.

hazed

I am SO impatient.

Its eating at my poor little soul. I'm feeling rather stagnant at this stage in my life. I'm at a point where nothing exciting is in view, and I'm merely coasting along. I hope this changes. I want something amazing to happen. I know I'm working towards my dreams right now, but I'm not seeing much progress. It is taking me 4 years to get a 2 year degree, mostly because of health issues. I want to see my hard work pay off...but I don't want to have to continue on this road where I'm not seeing any progress. I think I'm over analytical. Do most 20 year olds think of their future/goals this much? No. Most of them are out enjoying life, while I'm in my room typing up a spreadsheet of my intended salary after graduation...something is seriously wrong! However, while I'm in here planning my life, I am enjoying what I have. Today was a successful day. I spent time with my neighbor, mostly chatting it up. Took her daughter to run errands with me, had pizza and went bowling with my lovely friends. I really enjoyed that! I lost the game, and I suck at shooting pool, but overall I really enjoyed it. Then did some church stuff. Saw the boyfriend for about 10 minutes, he was stressing over his 2nd interview, which is tomorrow. I told him he deserves it, and I personally know that Heavenly Father sees his hard work, and will reward him for it. If not now, eventually. He works very hard, and is successful at what he does. I know that he has this! Keep him in your prayers. As for me and my job interview, I have not heard back. I hope to by Wednesday, Thursday at the latest. They asked me if I was bilingual, which I am not. I am thinking that if they don't hire me that will be the reason why. :sigh: should have taken Spanish in high school, instead of German. Ja! Nicht sehr klug! No regrets....! I saw the movie The Blindside, today. I enjoyed it. Its proof that we can truly overcome all obstacles that we face. We can find success if we keep our eyes opened, use the talents that we are blessed with, and focus! Loved it.

LOVE this song!
"Praise You In This Storm"
by Casting Crowns

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

covering.

pretty much...this weekend was insane.

lets start with the bad stuff, so i can get to the best part..

bad:

almost getting killed on the tollway. my car got stuck on cruise control going 65 mph, and i was exiting and went on a bridge, with a pretty sharp turn. i seriously thought my car was going to flip, my brakes wouldn't work and i was so scared. i'm so thankful that i was able to control my car...it was horrible.

k. so thats the bad "stuff"

had girl time w. michelle & lulu, ex-co-workers. talked about michelle's wedding plans, lulu's plans, and my mess :) haha. had starbucks, mi cocina for lunch, and walked around the shops at legacy. it was a blast! i really like plano.

after that, went to target to buy some shampoo and stuff... came home, cleaned my room & headed over to my sisters for the rest of the weekend. had chicken n rice for din, played with baby Ethan, and talked with my sisters. bro in law & another fam. member went to watch the implosion of the Irving Stadium, while i watched it with baby Ethan. then went to church and stuff :) had a grand ol time. watched ratatouille with the boyfriend. i love that movie.

as for this week, the boyfriend has his interview tomorrow and i'm seriously praying he gets the job.

hopefully i get the job teaching at the cfbisd elementary school, part time. praying that i hear from them as well.

i really loved church today. we read john 20:15, and sang some pretty good songs.

"You Shine"

Why should I feel mad,
When You made the heavens?
Why should I be afraid,
When You put the stars in place?
Why should I lose heart,
When I know how great you are?
Why should I give up,
When Your plans are full of love?

In this world we will have trouble,
But You have overcome the world!
You Shine,
Brighter than the brightest star!
Your Love,
Purer than the purest heart!
You Shine,
Filling us with courage and strength
To follow You!