& 1/2

When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
And you will keep singing as the days go by.

When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
Count your many blessings. Wealth can never buy
Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be disheartened, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

endurance.

Each day people every where suffer. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. Some may feel like it will never end, this is what they're going to endure, until their lives here are done. Others look toward the Savior for a sense of relief, hope. We are not given trials to entertain others, & we are only given what we can handle. I believe that my Father in Heaven has a plan for me. He knows me, He knows my limits & capabilities. Whatever you are enduring right now, whether it be with your faith, with your family, or career, He knows how you feel, and He is right there to comfort you. Any hour of every day, turn to Him. Isaiah 41:10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

After work friday I was feeling extremely overwhelmed. I came home, laid down and realized what I thought was the sound of a radio, from a distance, was in fact my lungs. I was wheezing SO much it really scared me. I called the CF dr and explained how I was feeling. I was advised to go to the ER and get some IV antibiotics, x rays and a few other tests. I didn't think I was going to be admitted, but they did offer. I would much rather be at home and try the oral antibiotics before deciding to be admitted. Needless to say I spent the night in the ER. was diagnosed with a flare up from my staph aureus. I'm on something for that, and a pain killer for the stabbing chest/back pain due to the infection. As far as CF goes, for me, I'm blessed. I try not to take it for granted. And then I have these wake up calls, where I realize that I'm pretty much normal, not too sick from this crud. I've been hospitalized 4 times. & for a 20 yr old CFer that is nothing. 2009 was a bad year, first year I was ever admitted 2 separate times. We've (the doctors & me) come to the conclusion that my "tuneups" are usually around April/May, and October/November. Hopefully I can make it to my goal of being out of the hospital for 6 months, which is a short time away.

My little Gavin is sick, he is what I call my CF battle buddy :) I wish I was able to heal him, I'm not trying to find a cure for me, but for him & all the other little kids who can't play outside, or who have to grow up too soon. He is my hero <3 if anyone reads this, please keep him in your prayers tonight.

I'm so very thankful for a wonderful mother. She took me to the ER and has always been willing to do so much for me. i love you mama!


"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."
- Isaiah 40:31

the promises that the scriptures provide are breathtakingly satisfying.

sincerely sincere,

beck.


haikus

i woke up breathless
like watercolor on ice
and now i love you

matter of feeling
works of art, fact not fiction
your number one fan

rising up above
the lines etched into my palm
lead me where to go

whirlwind.

you may hear a lot of discouraging words, good intentions from the misinformed, you will need a strategy, a game plan that you're willing to commit to. establish a routine, unique to your needs, and strive not to stray, learn how to juggle, and i'm not talking about juggling bouncy balls, or anything fun. i mean learn how to juggle your priorities. look ahead with realistic expectations, & try not to stress. look before you jump, and try to stay cool. fight aggressively. be prepared. plan for the future. work out the differences. learn how to cope.don't be afraid to fall. push yourself to your limits, test yourself. you're not the only one, and you're not the last one. don't compare yourself, don't bring yourself down. walk with your head held high. and through out it all, remember to be kinder than necessary, because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.









i sometimes feel like i'm two different people. there's the spiritual rebecca, that loves listening to worship songs & loves reading scriptures & going to church. then there's the carnal rebecca who is so caught up in the world. how do i combine both of those, to be one person all the time? i guess each day is one step closer to learning how to do it.

today was a pretty sham day, which makes me kind of sad. i was in bed until 3 p.m. my back & lungs were killing me, so i just laid there waiting for the pain to die down. then i decided to get up, thinking that might help. i cleaned my room...everything but the closet. then i watched lost and had dinner. now i'm here, blogging before i do my treatments.

i still havent decided whether or not to take summer classes at school, hopefully i'll have made up my mind by next week.

whaddaday.

-r.

in your eyes.

to vent:
10 things that really bother me:

10. inconsiderate people
9. bringing up the past
8. apologizing, w/o knowing what you're apologizing for
7. a lack of effort
6. lack of prioritizing things correctly
5. being manipulated
4. pushy people
3. snooty booties
2. overly dramatic people
1. down playing a serious situation

Yiiiikes.

so yeahh.

i've been exposing myself to people with cystic fibrosis, more lately. which is causing diverse emotions. i either feel bad for them, or feel guilty for being as healthy as i have been. i guess thats normal.

other than that, i'm just trying to get things in order. my chest has been hurting so much between yesterday & today. i hope its just allergy related.

oh boy. time for bed.

God is good, all the time.

undone

agh! today :) church with the family, i got to hold my baby nephew, Ethan for almost an hour. he's so precious. the purity that a child expresses is amazing. he's so young and innocent, its such a joy to watch him grow. he's already smiling and starting to make baby noises. he is truly a child of God. we also had the annual CF fund raising dinner, which was a success. i always get really nervous and panic right before it starts. i was in a grumpy mood all day, but tried my hardest to hide it... not too sure if it worked.

to find out more about CF or to donate to Beckuh's Buddies, please click the link below. :)
http://www.cff.org/Great_Strides/dsp_DonationPage.cfm?walkid=6839&idUser=284569

Psalms 17:8
"Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings,"

how beautiful is that?

(:

'nite

etc.,

Kind of interesting day, thats for sure.
here's a quick run-down:
got home from work around 12:15 a.m., went to sleep around 2, woke up at 7:30, early for work @ the bank, ate chicken n rice, took a nap, woke up for work around 5:25, ate sonic, then went to work until 12:15, again.

why's that so interesting?
50% sleeping
50% working

productive, huh?

i've been trying my hardest to focus on school, but for some reason this semester isn't happening for me. Its so tedious and uninteresting...which is a first for me because usually i'm so involved with school. I hope its different next semester, I know it will be. i'll regret slacking off, but as of right now i'm just tired of trying to be the perfect daughter, employee, student, girlfriend, church member, and all the other roles i strive to fill.

I had a pretty good conversation with a couple of co workers today, at both places of employment.

convo # 1: what are your pet peeves & why?
mine: (even though i'm guilty) cussing & dishonesty.

because cussing is usually unnecessary, it takes away from the intelligence of a person, and offends the spirit. my goal this week: not to cuss. :) i will do it. i just barely started cussing, so i better stop it before it gets worse! dishonesty- it has a domino effect, one thing leads to another & so forth. pretty soon you're in so deep you don't even know the truth

convo #2: a brief overview of the sincerity of mankind.
most people i meet are sincere people. they express genuine interests in whatever the topic/activity is. they are honest & willing to help another person. however, there are the exceptions. Like the lady at the bowling alley, who chunked her ball to the ground exclaiming that it was too heavy and we should know better, uhmm okkkk ma'am i'm sorry about that. i don't know your muscle mass, or personal preference unless you inform me. Then there are the people at the bank, ohhh the people at the bank! Some customers get so angry, i've had money thrown at me, i've had customers call me all kinds of names. I think its ridiculous to go somewhere and treat people disrespectfully because of an error. Hello, I am human, I make mistakes, so are you. It happens. Every now and then, I come across wonderful people, who seem to be a rare kind, but if you open your eyes and see the good in all of God's children, you'll realize its not that rare. Like a few people I encountered at work, so nice, sincerely thanking me, genuinely expressing an interest in how my day is going, and simple things like that. A smile or a thank you sure does go a long way after working 12 hours on 4 hours of sleep :)

tomorrow is my fund raising dinner at church. I hope it goes well!

Ecclesiastes 5:19

"As for every man to whom God has given riches and wealth, and given him power to eat of it, to receive his heritage and rejoice in his labor—this is the gift of God. For he will not dwell unduly on the days of his life, because God keeps him busy with the joy of his heart."

-reee.

yellow peel

How often does that happen?! Picking up this second job at the bowling alley seemed like a "sham" job to me, however today I quickly learned otherwise. My first 5 days there I tied laces, racked balls, and greeted customers. Today I greeted customers while getting their balls and tying shoes at the same time, all while smiling and being personable..not too hard, huh? I was thinking to my overly exhausted self, "why in the world do I want to work a second job......?" its 13 hours a week, thursday friday & saturday. I stay up late anyways, might as well be productive, right? eh.

anywho, living with cystic fibrosis has taught me a lot. I'm blessed with the ability to walk, eat, breathe, sleep, and participate in extracurricular activities. Many people with CF *depending on their specific genetic mutation* cannot do those things on their own. I'm able to work 35+ hours, attend school, run a mile or 2, and do many other things without it being too much. I've also learned my limits, I know when to slow down, but I don't always do that. I'm working on taking care of myself. Which means the following:

-striving to eat 6000 calories a day...yeahhh. this low fat yogurt ain't helpin' NONE (bahha)
-doing 3-4 breathing treatments per day. This is where I am of EPIC fail. Its so hard to do that, but since I started blogging, I do my night time treatment while I type. Easy 'nuff!
-getting at least 7 hours of sleep, and sneaking cat naps in when I can
-taking 298734 pills per day (vitamins, enyzmes, etc.,) Least fav part

so yeahhh.


my youngest nephew, EZ turned 2 months old today! what a wonderful blessing he is. The joy that he brings to our family is outstanding. Just looking at his little face makes my heart melt, and my gratitude towards my Savior strengthen. LOVEIT.

"Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday"

Psalm 37:5-6