endurance.

Each day people every where suffer. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. Some may feel like it will never end, this is what they're going to endure, until their lives here are done. Others look toward the Savior for a sense of relief, hope. We are not given trials to entertain others, & we are only given what we can handle. I believe that my Father in Heaven has a plan for me. He knows me, He knows my limits & capabilities. Whatever you are enduring right now, whether it be with your faith, with your family, or career, He knows how you feel, and He is right there to comfort you. Any hour of every day, turn to Him. Isaiah 41:10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

After work friday I was feeling extremely overwhelmed. I came home, laid down and realized what I thought was the sound of a radio, from a distance, was in fact my lungs. I was wheezing SO much it really scared me. I called the CF dr and explained how I was feeling. I was advised to go to the ER and get some IV antibiotics, x rays and a few other tests. I didn't think I was going to be admitted, but they did offer. I would much rather be at home and try the oral antibiotics before deciding to be admitted. Needless to say I spent the night in the ER. was diagnosed with a flare up from my staph aureus. I'm on something for that, and a pain killer for the stabbing chest/back pain due to the infection. As far as CF goes, for me, I'm blessed. I try not to take it for granted. And then I have these wake up calls, where I realize that I'm pretty much normal, not too sick from this crud. I've been hospitalized 4 times. & for a 20 yr old CFer that is nothing. 2009 was a bad year, first year I was ever admitted 2 separate times. We've (the doctors & me) come to the conclusion that my "tuneups" are usually around April/May, and October/November. Hopefully I can make it to my goal of being out of the hospital for 6 months, which is a short time away.

My little Gavin is sick, he is what I call my CF battle buddy :) I wish I was able to heal him, I'm not trying to find a cure for me, but for him & all the other little kids who can't play outside, or who have to grow up too soon. He is my hero <3 if anyone reads this, please keep him in your prayers tonight.

I'm so very thankful for a wonderful mother. She took me to the ER and has always been willing to do so much for me. i love you mama!


"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."
- Isaiah 40:31

the promises that the scriptures provide are breathtakingly satisfying.

sincerely sincere,

beck.


haikus

i woke up breathless
like watercolor on ice
and now i love you

matter of feeling
works of art, fact not fiction
your number one fan

rising up above
the lines etched into my palm
lead me where to go